Fr. Jean Vanier, founder of L’Arche, on the essential relationship of connection between loss and response to a call, to any true vocation:
Grief and loss are inseparable from the call.
If we accept the call but not the loss
we will live in a contradiction.
When people make a decision, for example to live in l’Arche,
but do not fully accept the consequences of their decision,
it is a cause of great distress.
They constantly feel sorry for themselves,
sorry that they do not have a higher salary,
or more time for themselves,
shorter working hours, etc.
There is the call
and there is the loss.
But who wants loss?
When I left the navy more than fifty years ago,
I sold everything I had,
which wasn’t much, and gave it to the poor.
Today I do not have much to sell
and I doubt if anyone would want what I have!
But the call and loss continue.
Excerpts from Vanier’s Befriending the Stranger (2001), p. 20
Living this Paschal Mystery (h/t Joyce Donahue) is part of any healthy discernment of a call to a particular form of work, life, or oftentimes–both. As Vanier alludes to, if we as disciples seeking to follow Jesus in the Holy Spirit fail to integrate loss and call early on, the effects will linger. “Distress” will simmer beneath the surface, negatively impacting our relationships with God and others.
The degree to which this “distress” appears outwardly negative will vary by individual and situation. I know that I have been guilty of making decisions about following the call without fully accepting the consequences–and yes, this led to interior self-pity, to regret–even as my life was filled with genuine joy. It can be an odd mix sometimes.
But, a healthy, wholesome integrated life of discipleship avoids this temptation, as this temptation ultimately harms our relationship with God. We can be joyful for a time, but it is difficult to authentically sustain this joy from the Source if we have not fully accepted the consequences of our calls as disciples.